Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
