I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
