So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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