if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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