Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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