perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
