Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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