im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
