I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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