I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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