I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
