i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
