You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
how drunk are you?
Several
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
