I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
