Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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