I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
