life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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