i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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