I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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