Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
