Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
