Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We had to coat check the pizza.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
