i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
