I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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