He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you had me at cake vodka
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
