Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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