i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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