Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
