They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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