Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
