I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
