you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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