I faked an abortion last night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
