proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
