I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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