I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
