he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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