I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
