It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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