Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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