And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
