last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
