I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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