She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
