I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
