Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
