??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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