There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
