Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
