it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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