wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
should my penis look like a turkey
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
