That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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