He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
