I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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