I just threw up on my dentist
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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