he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
