We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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