Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
