I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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