If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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