Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
