Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
