I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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