I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think my moral compass just broke
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
