her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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