quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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