driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
