I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
